30 Before 30: Day 30 - A New Decade Begins

I would be lying if I said that my life hasn't been interesting, especially the past decade. I would also say that my 20's have been the most interesting, frustrating, challenging, life-changing, adventurous, and revealing time of my life so far. That's why in this series of blog posts I've focused on that time period.

I've had enough experiences in the past decade to write multiple books and who knows how many screenplays that I could make into movies.

Some of those experiences I have put into movies.

But now I'm 30! The "Dirty Thirty" as some people call it. The big 3-0. A new decade to learn even more craziness about life.

Looking back now on the past decade, here's a number of exciting accomplishments:

1. I graduated college with a Bachelor's in Communication Arts.
2. I survived the Army after 3 1/2 grueling years (and made some pretty awesome friends).
3. I made a feature film (written, directed, shot, edited, and sound design done while I was in the Army in Hawaii).
4. I made several short films, multiple which have been in film festivals, a couple which have won awards.
5. I've lived in Chicago, Hawaii, and Los Angeles since leaving Kansas.
6. I was able to visit Ireland and Scotland.
7. I completed a 2-year acting Conservatory.
8. I worked with Bradley Cooper and Cameron Crowe on "Aloha."
9. I finally learned how to talk to network and have met lots of really cool people!

Now for a few things that have been difficult:

1. I've learned the very hard way what it means to have a healthy relationship.
2. I've questioned just about everything I grew up with in order to understand what it is that I believe and who I am rather than just following what I was brought up on.
3. I went into a ton of debt because of my initial time in college.
4. I spent 3 years living in a room with no window, sometimes working a swing shift in a building with no windows.
5. I've messed up at most of the jobs I've had more times than I can count at least once, so horribly that I've felt really bad about it.

Well, that's what I'm remembering right now. But I guess I'm old now, right? So it's okay.

Nah. I'm just starting. I have a lot of friends right now turning 30 this year. Most of them seem to be a bit terrified of moving into that next decade. Me? I feel like I'm just getting started. I'm actually quite excited about the next decade!

One of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis, didn't actually publish the vast majority of his works until after his mid-thirties. Most famous directors we know didn't get their major starts until their 30's.

On top of this, people tell me I only look 24 or 25 so I'm well on my way to being in a good position as an actor as well since I look younger then I am.

And here's the biggest thing I've finally found: confidence.

I used to have none. I had no self-confidence. Because of this I really had no outward confidence. It's still always a bit of a work in progress but it's gotten better. It also helps to not care as much what other people think about you.

I won't go into on this blog because I think I could write a whole book on it (which I just might someday) but there are a lot of things from my formative years growing up that I feel didn't help me as I got older and instead hindered me in certain things.

That's also why I believe we need different people in our lives to help us along and guide us because no one person can do it properly. We're just all too imperfect and different. Sometimes the things that a person needs can't be received from a single person so another person comes into to help out.

I believe God created us to be interactive and communal beings. Whether or not you believe in God or no higher power, some other form of believe, I still think, just from the nature of seeing humans, that we all in some form desire love.

So, my friends, in the end of this blog series, I want you to know you can all be accepted without judgement by at least one person in this life, even though there will always be people who judge us no matter what we do.

And in the words of the wonderful and talented Doug Jones: "There's love."

30 Before 30: Day 10 - 21st Birthday

When I turned 21 there were a few memorable things that happened. Now, at this time I was in my first relationship and I'm pretty sure by that time (if I remember correctly) things were already beginning to go sour. Although I remember she was there on my birthday (which I spent in Kansas) I honestly don't remember anything that happened between us that day. Which means that either anything that did happen was not important to me or the good that happened outweighed the bad. All the same, that's not to say I didn't love her, but I think it's very much possible to love someone and continue in a destructive situation.

But enough life learning for the moment. Onto my 21st birthday!

I was back from college over the summer in Lawrence and one of my favorite bands at the time, Emery, was playing a show there in my hometown. Now, it wasn't a typical show, it was a live acoustic show... on my birthday. Suffice to say, I of course had to go.

If I remember correctly the show was at the bottleneck, which I have honestly only been to a few times.

I went with a few friends at my girlfriend. Two of these friends are men who have stuck with me since 7th grade (I still find it amazing we became friends back then) and even though we don't talk a lot these days, they're still there in my life and it's like not much has changed (because a lot has actually changed).

Well, since I was 21 that meant I could now drink. Being the good kid that I was, I had never drank before this day. So they decided to get me a drink at the concert. It was nothing crazy and in fact nowadays I would say it was quite week, but hey, things were different then. If I remember correctly that drink was a Smirnoff ice. I did enjoy it at the time, though my drinking tastes have changed drastically.

There was one thing I didn't think about, though, and that was that my mom wanted to buy me my first drink. Well, after all that she's done for me (which, trust me, is a lot) to say I felt guilty doesn't even begin to explain it. Unfortunately, that's a moment I'll never be able to take back.

But it seems that's the nature of life. You do things you wish you could of done differently and learn from them and move on. Maybe being back for my 30th birthday will make up for a small part of that day. Maybe not.

All the same, spending that day at a concert with two of my best friends is a memory well worth having. And it's nice that the entire concert was recorded live and put onto the special edition of their next album, "I'm Only A Man", which isn't their best by far but still enjoyable.

Thanks to Michael Pollock for suggesting I write about that day. And thanks to him and Isaac Bari for sticking by my side through all these years, even if it's been from a distance.