30 Before 30: Day 5 - Looking Back on Strasberg

The past two years, which has basically been the entire time I've been back in Los Angeles, my time studying at The Lee Strasberg Theatre & Film Institute has been nothing less than an adventure. It was really only because of my Army service I was able to attend the institute and my time there has changed me in more ways then one. As I rocket towards that dirty thirty I must say that near the end of my 20's my time there has been a bit of a rock and foundation in my life as I wade through the insanity of this city.

There has been a lot of drama, both inside and outside of scene work, and I have made many friends who have come and gone from the school, many of whom have returned to their native countries for one reason or another. And as it usually goes, I try to keep up with some of them but find it becomes incredibly difficult. At this school people come and go, something that I've gotten quite used to in my 20's. I still don't like saying goodbye, though, so instead it's always something like "Until next time" or "I'll see you again." Maybe I won't. But hopefully I will... unless I don't really like you. I only have so much energy to give away.

I've gone an emotional journey at the school and it started rocky. The first semester had an extremely unfortunate incident occur that shook up the entire school and certainly didn't help with my already severe depression as I transitioned out of the Army and into this city. Though I was able to learn and understand overtime how I operated and how my emotions have affected me over time and what causes many things. A lot of this is due to the sensory work that is part of the core work of Strasberg. That and relaxation exercises, which were important for my tense body.

But more than anything I found something that I haven't had most of my life: self-confidence.

This has led to friendships I wouldn't have otherwise because I learned to speak up and care less about what other people thought about me. Taking this long to find it, though, it seems at times has made it take longer to find out I connect with certain people. People that I would want around longer but may be leaving sooner. When you find those people you connect so deeply with it's hard to let go and even harder to say goodbye.

So here I am today, after my last day at Strasberg. I didn't think I would be sad but a part of me is. Mostly because I realize how big of an impact this school has had on my life and who I am as an actor. The teachers and many students there have helped me to grow as I continue to discover who I am.

But life continues to move forward. Others will come and go. I will meet knew people and continue to meet with ones I knew. The forward momentum doesn't cease to exist because I have finished. This is just the start of another adventure and my good friends know how much I like a good adventure.

But today this is for all of you who I've made friends with at Strasberg, whether you're still in Los Angeles or not. I've created memories with many of you and am grateful for those friends who have come into my life.

Remember, you are loved and you are not alone.

Enjoy your adventures while you have them.

30 Before 30 - Day 1: LAFSC

To all you wonderful readers,

I hope you can get something out of these ramblings... as I hope that I can as well.

I wish I could say I came up with this idea myself but truth be told, I borrowed it. The idea is I'll be attempting to write everyday for the next 30 days leading up to the day I turn 30 (which should be the day of the final post), my aim being to recount my 20's as I head into the next decade. I took this idea from Chris Krebsbach, who I met back in 2009 while doing a semester at the Los Angeles Film Studies Center. She recently did a 40 before 40 listing of blog posts and that is what gave me the idea. If you want, check out her blog at the link below, and in honor of where the inspiration came from, my first post shall be about LAFSC.

https://chriskrebsbach.wordpress.com/category/40-before-40/

2009 was the year I graduated... a semester longer than it should have taken. Sometimes you just have to learn those lessons. Had I not failed some of those science classes (you might want to know science and math were never my forte) I would have graduated immediately following my semester in Los Angeles. But in January 2009, I ended up in my ultimate destination for what I felt was going to be the time in my life I would make it big. I was 22, naive, and a bit more lacking in life experience than I ever could have realized. I should probably also add that I was quite lacking on the side of confidence.


But the Los Angeles Film Studies Center and my short 6 months in Los Angeles would quickly change all of that. Between my internship at Mandate Pictures, 2 of my own short film projects, another project I fell from producer to production assistant on, and continually crushing on girls (oh, college), I certainly starting seeing life (and the film industry) in a different light. Let's start with the bad shall we?

 One of the projects I was required to be on I ended up as a producer. Having been given an option to write down our top choices for roles I thought, "Hey, lots of directors produce! I should get the experience!" But as soon as I was thrown on the project... it down spiraled fast. First, I still believe on a small short film project, it's difficult to find enough jobs for 3 producers. I felt the limit should be 2. This still gives me no excuse for my shortcomings. In the process of all this, my focus drifted to my own two short films for the semester and when the time came to be on set for this short film, what did I do? I sat on set reading "Watchmen." You read that correctly. I failed miserably, hardly did anything to help as a producer, and read on set instead of assisting in any possible way I could. I learned that lesson quick when I was demoted to production assistant.

Here's the short story on that one. I failed. And then I learned how to produce, or at least somewhat.

So, now for the good times. Mandate Pictures ("Juno"), where I interned, was a trove of behind the scenes information inside a production company. On the last week the executives and assistants even had a special meeting with the interns where they could ask them any questions. Not only did I see inside the process from development all the way to post, I got a wealth of opportunities to read current scripts circulating through the system! At the same time, the internship was going nowhere and I didn't try very hard and therefore I don't think I was terribly "successful" in that venture either.

Through that semester came two short films, one of which was very confusing story wise because of my lack of experience and short amount of time. The second, which I am very proud of, is called "Beyond The Mirror." (https://vimeo.com/113059154) This little short started what I use as my current "production company" (it's not currently registered...) called Whimsical Pictures on all my projects now. In this time I found what encapsulates the way I think and the kind of stories I generally love to tell. Every project since has been listed under Whimsical Pictures, including on IMDB.

And crushing on girls. Well, that was college. Hmmm... I guess that's actually just guys, except my mentality has changed over time. I'm not overly self conscious like I used to be or extremely nervous around women that I like. Yeah, that was college. I had A LOT of growing to do. And over time I did just that. Somewhere along the way I found my confidence (mostly).

I think that was in the past year.

But Los Angeles helped to start understanding what it means to be a real filmmaker who wants to work in the interesting. And I failed... a lot. After that, do you know what I did? I got back up again because that's what you have to do to be successful. Never give up. And that's what I've done. Not even the Army stopped me.

But that's for a later post.