30 Before 30: Day 9 - Desperation Doesn't Work

In 2005 when I first arrived at college I was going through a multitude of new things. I had never lived away from home before, started from complete scratch, kissed a girl, had a girlfriend, figured out everything on my own, etc. And being a hopeless romantic and little bit out of touch with reality, I found that whenever I would see friends hooking up with other people early on I would be a bit jealous and envious because what they had I wanted. Granted, in talking to my roommate at that time,

he informed me that being in a relationship wasn't always what it looked like and that I should be patient. Of course, I wasn't exactly patient but looking back, the truth is that I was desperate to be in a relationship and to find a woman.

There were two major problems with how I felt at the time.

1. I was desperate and that's a key to disaster.

2. I didn't understand what a healthy relationship involved. And when that is not understood then a relationship can go south quickly.

In those years I was a hopeless romantic. I would still say I'm a romantic just not with the hopeless portion. I only spent about 2 or so months of the beginning of my time at college single and when a connection did form with the first girl I dated, I was still too scared to actually asked her out. Instead, we mutually agreed to date (after what looking back on it feel like some ridiculous hurdles).

But, alas, I found myself in what would be to date the longest relationship I've had that turned into a 6 month "puppy" phase and a year and a half of essentially marriage without being married. When it ended, after having had many discussions with a college pastor at the time about different things in that relationship he said to me, "You've learned in two years more than most people learn in seven years of marriage."

Yikes!

Well, at least I know I learned a lot from it. At least, I hope I learned a lot that I retained.

Since I don't have any readily available pictures from that relationship (rightfully so) I have instead provided what is perhaps the earliest picture taken from my time in college.

What I have learned, though, are a couple valuable lessons for my self over time when it comes to me and meeting women.

1. It's not just about physical appearance but even more so about their personality.
2. I can tell easier nowadays if there is a definite chemistry with someone (for the most part, sometimes I still fail).
3. Sometimes that person is the person you least expect.
4. Things often don't work out for one reason or another.
5. That person you connect with often appears at the most unexpected place or time and usually when you're not looking and especially when your not desperate.
6. Confidence in yourself really helps.

That's at least what I've found. Maybe it's not all exactly right but that's what I've found to be true.

Now, if you haven't heard it, go look up "Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble.

I love that song.

And I think it applies.

30 Before 30: Day 5 - Looking Back on Strasberg

The past two years, which has basically been the entire time I've been back in Los Angeles, my time studying at The Lee Strasberg Theatre & Film Institute has been nothing less than an adventure. It was really only because of my Army service I was able to attend the institute and my time there has changed me in more ways then one. As I rocket towards that dirty thirty I must say that near the end of my 20's my time there has been a bit of a rock and foundation in my life as I wade through the insanity of this city.

There has been a lot of drama, both inside and outside of scene work, and I have made many friends who have come and gone from the school, many of whom have returned to their native countries for one reason or another. And as it usually goes, I try to keep up with some of them but find it becomes incredibly difficult. At this school people come and go, something that I've gotten quite used to in my 20's. I still don't like saying goodbye, though, so instead it's always something like "Until next time" or "I'll see you again." Maybe I won't. But hopefully I will... unless I don't really like you. I only have so much energy to give away.

I've gone an emotional journey at the school and it started rocky. The first semester had an extremely unfortunate incident occur that shook up the entire school and certainly didn't help with my already severe depression as I transitioned out of the Army and into this city. Though I was able to learn and understand overtime how I operated and how my emotions have affected me over time and what causes many things. A lot of this is due to the sensory work that is part of the core work of Strasberg. That and relaxation exercises, which were important for my tense body.

But more than anything I found something that I haven't had most of my life: self-confidence.

This has led to friendships I wouldn't have otherwise because I learned to speak up and care less about what other people thought about me. Taking this long to find it, though, it seems at times has made it take longer to find out I connect with certain people. People that I would want around longer but may be leaving sooner. When you find those people you connect so deeply with it's hard to let go and even harder to say goodbye.

So here I am today, after my last day at Strasberg. I didn't think I would be sad but a part of me is. Mostly because I realize how big of an impact this school has had on my life and who I am as an actor. The teachers and many students there have helped me to grow as I continue to discover who I am.

But life continues to move forward. Others will come and go. I will meet knew people and continue to meet with ones I knew. The forward momentum doesn't cease to exist because I have finished. This is just the start of another adventure and my good friends know how much I like a good adventure.

But today this is for all of you who I've made friends with at Strasberg, whether you're still in Los Angeles or not. I've created memories with many of you and am grateful for those friends who have come into my life.

Remember, you are loved and you are not alone.

Enjoy your adventures while you have them.