30 Before 30: Day 20 - Friends

Friends.

These are the people that we all need. Of course, there are different kinds of friends.

There are the friends you talk to rarely.

There are the friends you talk to regularly.

And then there are the friends you are closest to and see them whenever possible.

I definitely have all of these friends. But the ones I always remember the most are the ones that whenever I go back somewhere, they are the first people that I want to see. Those are usually the friendships that last a lifetime, not just a season. These are the friends that you know you can count on, even when things get bad. They'll be by your side even if they don't agree with everything you've done or said.

Those are the friends who we can lean on when times are rough. That when we see them again after months, it's like nothing changed. You can do just about anything with them, it doesn't even have to require talking, and your just glad you were in their company.

Those are the best kind of friends.

I would say in any one place I've lived I've never had more than 4 of those friends. I would say there are 4 I would put in this category in my hometown, 3 in Chicago, 1 in Hawaii still, and 3 in Los Angeles.

Now, I must be clear, this doesn't mean the other friends aren't important. It's just, those specific friends are the ones I want to spend the most time with and see more than others. They are the ones I am more likely to share my deepest secrets with, have the best conversations with, and enjoy the time more than anyone else with.

I care about and appreciate all the friends in my life. They're all important. But we all need what we might call that "inner circle" of friends who we have those special connections with.

These are the people that will most likely help us when we're down.

Sometimes we all need a friend to lean on.

30 Before 30: Day 9 - Desperation Doesn't Work

In 2005 when I first arrived at college I was going through a multitude of new things. I had never lived away from home before, started from complete scratch, kissed a girl, had a girlfriend, figured out everything on my own, etc. And being a hopeless romantic and little bit out of touch with reality, I found that whenever I would see friends hooking up with other people early on I would be a bit jealous and envious because what they had I wanted. Granted, in talking to my roommate at that time,

he informed me that being in a relationship wasn't always what it looked like and that I should be patient. Of course, I wasn't exactly patient but looking back, the truth is that I was desperate to be in a relationship and to find a woman.

There were two major problems with how I felt at the time.

1. I was desperate and that's a key to disaster.

2. I didn't understand what a healthy relationship involved. And when that is not understood then a relationship can go south quickly.

In those years I was a hopeless romantic. I would still say I'm a romantic just not with the hopeless portion. I only spent about 2 or so months of the beginning of my time at college single and when a connection did form with the first girl I dated, I was still too scared to actually asked her out. Instead, we mutually agreed to date (after what looking back on it feel like some ridiculous hurdles).

But, alas, I found myself in what would be to date the longest relationship I've had that turned into a 6 month "puppy" phase and a year and a half of essentially marriage without being married. When it ended, after having had many discussions with a college pastor at the time about different things in that relationship he said to me, "You've learned in two years more than most people learn in seven years of marriage."

Yikes!

Well, at least I know I learned a lot from it. At least, I hope I learned a lot that I retained.

Since I don't have any readily available pictures from that relationship (rightfully so) I have instead provided what is perhaps the earliest picture taken from my time in college.

What I have learned, though, are a couple valuable lessons for my self over time when it comes to me and meeting women.

1. It's not just about physical appearance but even more so about their personality.
2. I can tell easier nowadays if there is a definite chemistry with someone (for the most part, sometimes I still fail).
3. Sometimes that person is the person you least expect.
4. Things often don't work out for one reason or another.
5. That person you connect with often appears at the most unexpected place or time and usually when you're not looking and especially when your not desperate.
6. Confidence in yourself really helps.

That's at least what I've found. Maybe it's not all exactly right but that's what I've found to be true.

Now, if you haven't heard it, go look up "Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble.

I love that song.

And I think it applies.